Monday, March 3, 2008

INTERNS OF THE WEEK - Everybody Else!


The workload has really been piling up over here at SNACK, so it looks like we're gonna go ahead and nominate everybody else for this weeks Intern of the Week and get this thing over with. Key statements from certain contestants have been highlighted for those of you that have a hard time reading...

NEW!!! VOTE TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT IN THE POLL TO YOUR RIGHT


CHRIS:

Hello,
I have specialized in custom illustrated design and logo identity / brand development for over 10years.
I'm interested in working with you on your project.

Im not responding to "Intern Opportunity" im interested in designing boards for your company?

Chris


RONRIKA:
Hello,

I saw your ad on craigslist for the the internship and thought I would apply. My name is Ronrika and I'm a senior at XXXX University studying Digital Cinema. If you're wondering what that is, someone best described it as 'a film degree for the youtube generation.' I've learned how to plan, shoot, and edit films in school and I can work with a crew or by myself. I'm currently looking for a job/internship that gives me real world experience but also allows me to be a bit creative. From what I've seen, I feel like Snack would be a perfect opportunity for me.

I've attached a resume for your perusal. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,
Ronrika



WIZ:
To Whom it may concern,
My name is Jibril page but my friends call me Wiz , I am very interested in working for your company, although I do not skate I am somewhat in tune with
the skating community, because of friends of mine that skate, and the fact that I think skateboarding shoes are the most comfortable shoes in the world. but most importantly I would like to work with you guys because I would like to know the ins and outs of running my own business being laid back and extremly productive @ the same time. Im a recent college grad with a degree in marketing and a minor in film, and I know I could be an asset to your company.
p.s - my spliff rolling is superb ( just kidding)


TESS:Dear Snack Skate,

Here are 10 reasons you should hire me.

4 years cumulative experience as an administrative assistant / office manager / office bitch. I can answer phones and email.
Payroll or inventory? Sure, why not.

I'll bet you 10 bucks I can draw/paint better than Joey.

I recently was offered a position as a woodworking apprentice which I was really excited about, except that the shop is way the
hell up on the 7000 block of the city, to the point where I have to take 4 different buses, and really can't afford the time or fare.
Please give me a cool alternative to this daily migration so I don't have to go back to retail hell.

I make tasty, tasty coffee. I can't roll anything worth a damn, but I learn quick.

I'm not a skater, but have dated a few. I also went into Uprise one day to look into getting a board, but they were expensive,
I'm clumsy, and I already have a bike. Wait, that might not be a very good selling point. I did try though.

I'm a chick. That's got to count for something, right? My uterus isn't the only selling point, I'm pretty cool too.

I can spell. Intern wanter? Unless you're trying to imply that you, the hiring manger is a consistent wanter of interns, I believe you
meant "intern wanted".

Despite that last comment, I'm not a jerk. I'm very good dealing with rough situations varying from distraction to crisis, and can keep
a level head without becoming an ass to everyone else in the office/shop. I'm fantastic with administrators, shipping managers, and CEOs.

In spite of being a girl, I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty, or be outside in this lovely Chicago weather. So don't worry about sending
my dainty self outside to start the car or take out the trash.

Hopefully this snarky take on a cover letter will make me stand out a little from the masses. Attached is my resume, I can be contacted
at any time by phone at 860-977-XXXX. Please feel free to reach me with any questions or comments, and thank you for your time!

Sincerely,
Tess

PS: Why do I want to work for Snack Skateboards? There's the possibility of metalworking, the illicit aura of skateboarding, and resume building fun.
I'd have to be stupid not to want this opportunity, and I'm not stupid.



ROGER:
What's up dude, this is by far the coolest job posting I've ever
seen on Craig's List. I'm perfect for this job because I have a
wide range of creative talents including, but not limited to,
photography, graphic design, web design and development, building
and ROCKING guitars and uncanny computer abilities. Despite that
list I'm happy doing busy work. Basically, I need a job. Check out
my attached resume for some more info.
Roger



BO:
To whom it may concern,

I've found your posting on craigslist, and am very interested is speaking with you about this position. I feel as though my lifestyle as well as willingness to work hard match perfectly with your available position. attached is my resume, take a look and get back to be at any time thats convenient for you,

Thanks
Bo


MATT:

Yo...
I dont want to be an intern, but i would like to work with you guys. i am a freelance photographer with a lot of time on my hands. coffee makes me shit. i'll answer your phones, ive been answering phones since '86 homie. web design, maybe, depends, maybe. my whole life is warming up cars. ive been doin that since '89. i have more ideas than jackie chan. i edited dv back in school. im down with spliffs. metalsmithing? sure.

i have to get paid tho. "lets make a deal".

-matt


DAVID:
Hey there,
I saw your ad on craigslist and realized I would feel right at home in this environment. There's no easy way to describe myself so here's a list of words to give you an idea- creative, driven, hard working, outgoing, unique, big mcguiver, (?) often willing to put myself in harm's way for entertainment, easily amused, random, and ummm.... oh sorry, the ADD kicked in there for a second.

I've been doing computer work in big office buildings for the past two years. Despite the amazing pay, and all of the daily pranks and shenanigans we pulled, I had to get out of there so I can pursue multimedia. I run video at Vision/Excalibur Nightclub but would am looking for more practical experience. I also DJ underground parties on the side (houses, warehouses, cornfields, barns, national forests, etc)

Alright, so if you dont feel like reading everything above, read this...

Intern requirements will be based upon applicant skill set
Duties may include, but are not limited to...

Photography - Avid photoshop user for the past several years, just starting to get more heavily into photography
Making Coffee - Not a problem
Answering Phones & Email - Not a problem, I can be very polite and professionals when needed
Web Design - Have been doing this on and off for the past few years
Warming up the Car - Not a problem, will do without complaints
Helping out around the house - Not a problem, will do without complaints
Coming up with new product ideas - I absolutely LOVE coming up with new product ideas
Going to the store - Not a problem, will do without complaints
Brainstorming - It's what I live for
Filming/Editing Video - been doing this professionally and non professionally for the past few years
Rolling spliffs - would love to. I am a McGuiver at heart (RIP DoubleBubble). Many crazy contraptions have been invented by these hands. I rarely smoke nowadays so you dont have to worry about me taking your shit
Making Appearances - I can do that
Metalsmithing - I absolutely LOVE working with metal!

*Some cleaning and occasional heavy lifting may be required - no problem
*Company car may be available to qualified candidates - not needed but sure as hell wouldnt refuse it

So that's about it for now. My resume is attached. If you want to get in touch with me, you can email me back or call my cell @ 847.525.XXXX. If some guy yells, "Dave's not here!", then you reached my voicemail (it's a cheech and chong skit).

I look forward to hearing from you,
David

If you entered and you don't see your name up here, too fucking bad! Based on the shittiness of most of these applicants if you didn't make the cut its definitely time to find a new career or step your intern game up...

THANKS!

3 comments:

Yokora said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
SNK said...

Tess seems like the only intern applicant who'd fit in w/SNACK...her or Joey...can't believe nobody voted for him yet

Anonymous said...

tess doesn't know how to read. join a spelling b. intern wanter